Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
