Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
