I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
