I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize