I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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