I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
