Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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