I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
