For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
