I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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