Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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