I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
