hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
