Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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