I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
