this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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