Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
