I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
