I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
