So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
