Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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