Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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