A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I died a long time ago.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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