i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
