we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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