he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
