I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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