don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.