You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.