is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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