So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
