A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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