I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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