Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There r osticjed everywhere
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
