I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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