Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found puke in my bra..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
