you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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