I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
