Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
