I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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