dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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