my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
