So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize