dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
