I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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