she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
