Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
