Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
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I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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