i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
