he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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