Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
