he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
