Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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