In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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