I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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