1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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