Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
