Well apparently he's into motor boating.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
