had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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