he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
