I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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