Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
