my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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